Engagements, Weddings, and the Haj

During and after the holiday L-Eid, many families also celebrate engagements, weddings, and the returning of the Hajja. I hit it big because I got to attend one of each of these events. Backtracking a few weeks before L-Eid, there was a huge party at the farm because there were four family members going to Haj. Haj is what Muslims call Mecca and to make the pilgrimage to Haj is the most meaningful event that could happen in the life of a Muslim. It’s like a Christian visiting Jeruselem, but not really. Although I think it would be a big deal in the States, I don’t think it could equate what I saw and experienced here. Before the people left, a huge party was thrown in their honor and it seemed hundreds of people were in attendance. An honored guest trained in leading prayers was there, but unfortunately I was unable to see him because he was in the men’s room and I being a woman was not allowed to take a peak.

Before the Hajjaj (the plural of people who have gone to Haj. The singular for a man being Haj and a woman Haja) returned, we were at the farm waiting. It was very late and a weeknight and so I was nervous about getting enough sleep so I could teach the next day. Around 9:30 pm somebody got a phone call and said the Hajjaj were on their way to the farm, so everybody quickly got dressed into their fanciest clothes and went outside to wait on the stairs. When the cars rolled into the farm, everyone started singing this song that they sing at weddings and started clapping. As soon as the car doors opened, everyone went running to the cars and hugged and kissed the returning family members. The Hajjaj were wearing white from head to toe.There was a woman throwing perfumed oil on everyone’s clothes and heads and another woman with special incense, throwing the smoke onto your clothes. Other women held platters of fake plastic flowers and dates above their heads. Everyone was crying and it was very emotional and unlike any religious experience I have ever witnessed.

While the Hajjaj were in Haj, there was an engagement party in the family. One young man of the family was to be engaged to a young woman who lived in town. The whole family put on their fanciest clothes and the women loaded platters of gifts above their head and sang the traditional wedding song while walking to the cars. The platters included gifts for the bride: clothes, shoes, bath items, cookies, candy, lots of stuff I can’t remember, and the special platter with the dates and two chalices of milk. With all the gifts, we loaded into the cars and one woman rode in the bed of a pick-up truck with all the platters. We drove into town honking our horns to the bride’s house (which turned out being only a block away from my family’s house in town) and unloaded the platters, started singing the song again, and walked into the house. We were anointed with the special oils again and were seated in this really small room, where we laid the gifts out and waited for the bride to come. Only the women sat in this room. The men were somewhere else with the groom. While we waited, we listened to music and danced a little. We mostly sat, drank tea and ate cookies. When the engaged couple entered, we sang the song again and then we all took turns getting our picture taken with the bride and groom. This went on for a very long time. Most people didn’t have a camera there, so I ended up taking a lot of pictures for the people who wanted to stand with the couple but had nobody to photograph them. I’m not sure why I took all those pictures. After the picture taking, we ate dinner and the bride and groom left and I’m not sure where they ate. Then after dinner they returned and we watched the groom and bride feed each other a date and a sip of milk. This is really symbolic and I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure why this is done. Then, they exchanged rings and the groom gave the bride many gifts like a necklace, bracelet, watch and earrings. After this exchange was over, the couple threw candy at us women and I have to admit, I only got half a stick of gum because the women were pushing each other around trying to get their hands on that candy, so I just kind of backed away, trying not to get knocked over. There were some men peaking in threw a window, so the groom threw some candy out the window for the men. Then, with our fists full of goodies, we loaded back up into the cars and drove back to the farm. Only, I think I went home to the house in town. I had to teach in the morning and it was something like one in the morning, so I was tired.

The day the Hajjaj returned, the bride’s family had a wedding at their house. This time, we only brought one gift for the bride: a suitcase. One woman carried it above her head and presented it to the bride by placing it in front of her feet. There were many people inside this tent off the side of the bride’s house and music playing from a cd player. We showed up, took more pictures, and danced a little. Then, we left. It was a weird night, but I do know the purpose of that wedding was to bring the bride home with us to the farm. The bride disappeared with the suitcase and came back with it filled and also five other suitcases, said goodbye to her family, and got into a car with her new husband to move to her new home at the farm.

The next day I spent almost all day at the farm. There was a huge lunch in honor of the Hajjaj and the wedding. It was a catered event and probably one hundred women were present in the women’s room. I don’t know where the men’s room was, but it’s safe to assume there were just as many men if not more present. Throughout the whole day, the bride sat in her bedroom and waited for women to come inside to greet her. I walked inside, and while greeting one of her attendants, accidentally kissed her on the mouth because we both moved our heads at the same time while trying to kiss cheeks, so that was kind of embarrassing, but I’m guessing it’s not the first time that has ever happened in the history of Morocco. I greeted the bride and she gave me an assorted handful of goodies: an almond, a half a stick of gum, a date, a taffy, and a piece of straw. I didn’t know what to do with the straw, so I threw it on the ground later on when nobody was looking.

I returned to town to teach an English class, and came back to the farm for the wedding at the groom’s house. I got dressed into the fanciest outfit yet and walked into the wedding tent. Two hundred women, at least turned their eyes to look at the funny-looking blonde girl wearing Moroccan clothes. I sat with the women of my family and watched a group of women drumming, singing, and dancing. Almost immediately, the women started asking me to dance. This always happens to me at any event! They are really curious and excited to see me dance. This time I was a little shy because of the size of the group and said no. They persisted. An older woman asked me, “What is your father’s name?” I said my dad’s name in America is Brian. She tried to pronounce it, but couldn’t so she exclaimed, “Brahim!” and I said, “Yeah, Brahim.” Then, I watched her whisper something to a woman drumming and sure enough, after the song finished, this woman YELLED to the room “Jamila bnt d Brahim! Aji! Shtah!” Which means, “Jenny daughter of Brian come dance!” I was really embarrassed and all the women were looking at me and smiling and nodding their heads. I said no, I can’t dance and they insisted I must because that is the traditional way to ask somebody to dance and it would be rude to say no. So, I stood up, and pulled a few girls along with me and we danced. It was fun, and I tried to forget that all the eyes on the room were watching me. This is something I guess I will have to get used to.

After lots of dancing and clapping, we ate dinner around 11 pm and as soon as dinner was over, everyone went home. I spent the night at the farm and in the morning I returned to town to work. Then this past weekend, I met up with some volunteers in Agadir, enjoyed the beautiful beach weather and spent the night at another volunteer’s house in a town not too far from mine.